Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Mad Lib...Revelio!

Harry Potter And The Curse of Dudley

Harry Potter, the boy wonder, the clown of the wizarding world; sat alone in his tiny bedroom scratching his toenail and cleaning the iocane powder out of Hedwig's cage. This summer wasn't nearly as boring as his previous summers had been.

Over the summer, his cousin Dudley had grown quite frightened of him. Harry secretly kept cursing him, even though under age use of magic was strictly forbidden outside of Hogboils's school of shoehorncraft and clever thoughts.

It seemed the wizarding world turned a blind elbow when it came to Harry, and he never got in trouble for his... transgressions.

One particularly memorable curse on Dudley happened on the 32nd of June. It was so hot, you could climb a yarn on the sidewalk.

Dudley sat on his enormous backside in front of the telly, spooning dead sea tupperware-ful after dead sea tupperware-ful of garlic down his throat. Harry thought he looked rather magical leopluridonish, with his piggy little eyes and fat body.

Harry got an evil little grin on his knee and raised his wand behind Dudley's head. "CARPE DIEM" he shouted; which translated to English means "Turn this boy's head into a mango and make him dance around like a lemur with amnesia!"

And that's just what Dudley did! He kicked off the couch, screamed "WANNAWANNAJUNGDA!" at the top of his lungs, and began cuddling on the floor, while turning in circles and flapping his nosehairs.

Harry was laughing so hard, he almost peed his bra. He was still laughing, and Dudley was still flapping, when Uncle Vernon came thundering down the stairs. He had gone a nice shade of purple. He looked at Harry, shaking in anger, then looked at Dudley, horrified. "YOU WILL AWAKE TOMORROW MORNING WITH ALL THE ELASTIC MISSING FROM YOUR UNDERWEAR!" he screamed, then calmly turned and walked away.

Harry and Dudley looked at each other in abject confusion. Harry shrugged his shoulders in a "beats me" gesture, and the two cousins sat on the sofa, temporarily forgetting their animosity toward one another.

Dudley lifted the half empty dead sea tupperware of garlic and offered it to Harry.

"Don't mind if I do!" said the bespectacled young man, grabbing a spoon and preparing to dine.

Dudley's nosehairs gave one mighty final flap, and the boys had a most enjoyable evening, indeed.


  1. Iocane powder, I'd bet my life on it! Nice use of a Princess Bride reference!

  2. Hahahahahahahahaha!!!! What kind of fortune cookie says that?!?!?!?! Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!