Harry Potter And The Curse of Dudley
Harry Potter, the boy wonder, the
clown of the wizarding world; sat alone in his tiny bedroom scratching his
toenail and cleaning the
iocane powder out of Hedwig's cage. This summer wasn't nearly as boring as his previous summers had been.
Over the summer, his cousin Dudley had grown quite frightened of him. Harry secretly kept cursing him, even though under age use of magic was strictly forbidden outside of Hog
boils's school of
shoehorncraft and
clever thoughts.
It seemed the wizarding world turned a blind
elbow when it came to Harry, and he never got in trouble for his... transgressions.
One particularly memorable curse on Dudley happened on the
32nd of June. It was so hot, you could
climb a
yarn on the sidewalk.
Dudley sat on his enormous
backside in front of the telly, spooning
dead sea tupperware-ful after
dead sea tupperware-ful of
garlic down his throat. Harry thought he looked rather magical leopluridonish, with his piggy little eyes and fat body.
Harry got an evil little grin on his
knee and raised his wand behind Dudley's head. "
CARPE DIEM" he shouted; which translated to English means "Turn this boy's head into a
mango and make him dance around like a
lemur with
amnesia!"
And that's just what Dudley did! He
kicked off the couch, screamed "
WANNAWANNAJUNGDA!" at the top of his lungs, and began
cuddling on the floor, while turning in circles and flapping his
nosehairs.
Harry was laughing so hard, he almost peed his
bra. He was still laughing, and Dudley was still flapping, when Uncle Vernon came thundering down the stairs. He had gone a nice shade of purple. He looked at Harry, shaking in anger, then looked at Dudley, horrified. "
YOU WILL AWAKE TOMORROW MORNING WITH ALL THE ELASTIC MISSING FROM YOUR UNDERWEAR!" he screamed, then calmly turned and walked away.
Harry and Dudley looked at each other in abject confusion. Harry shrugged his shoulders in a "beats me" gesture, and the two cousins sat on the sofa, temporarily forgetting their animosity toward one another.
Dudley lifted the half empty
dead sea tupperware of
garlic and offered it to Harry.
"Don't mind if I do!" said the bespectacled young man, grabbing a spoon and preparing to dine.
Dudley's
nosehairs gave one mighty final flap, and the boys had a most enjoyable evening, indeed.